Being a Stepmother   by Maria

in Family / Parenting    (submitted 2011-02-08)

Stepmothers have gotten a bad rap since the time of Grimm's Fairy Tales, in which they were forever painted as wicked in Cinderella, with the step-sisters being even worse. When a woman marries into an existing family, she takes on an incredible burden that comes with insurmountable pressure. No matter what the stepmom does, she's never going to take the place of the children's mother (especially since most divorced mothers have custody the majority of the time).

Trying Too Hard?

The stepmother's angst is compounded by the fact the she is, in fact, trying to be very nice so as to make the every-other-weekend relationship go as smoothly as possible. When the most thoughtful and generous of overtures go unappreciated (if not met with outright scorn), the resulting emotions can range from disappointment to anger to heartbreak. If the children's father starts to impose his will on the situation, forcing the kids to "get along" with their stepmom, resentment is almost sure to follow.

Getting Over It

With the passage of time, most stepmom-child relationships get past the breakers, and they develop a healthy, and caring bond. This is also due to the inevitability of their real mom relaxing about her ex-husbands new wife. What once seemed like a thankless task often blossoms into a lifelong relationship - even if the stepmother ends up divorced from the father (second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first marriages).

The stereotype of the "Stepmonster" has long been overblown, but there is a point to be made by social commentators who feel that men and women who divorce after having children should avoid second marriages until the kids are grown. It may be more difficult to live as a single person with children, but at least the parent would be fully devoted to them, and not to some new partner, who may or may not have children as well.

About the Author

Maria is a mother of 3 and an online journalist. She enjoys several mom websites. Maria is thankful for all of the great information available for Mothers online.