I don't often make jokes   by Vivian

in Advertising    (submitted 2011-03-02)

ã??We settle down in our new home, plus I resolve to keep a diary.

ã??ã??Tradesmen trouble us a bit, so does the scraper. The Curate calls andpays me a great compliment.

ã??ã??My clear spouse Carrie plus I have been a week in our new house,"The Laurels," Brickfield Terrace, Holloway - a pleasant six-roomed residence,not counting basement, with a front breakfast-parlour. They have a littlefront garden; plus there is a flight of ten steps up to the front door, which,by-the-by, they keep locked with the chain up. Cummings, Gowing, andour other intimate friends always come to the small side entrance, whichsaves the servant the trouble of going up to the front door, thereby takingher from her work. They have a pleasant small back garden which runs down tothe railway. They were afraid of the noise of the trains at first, butthe landlord stated they ought to not notice them after a bit, plus took 2 poundsoff the rent. They was definitely right; plus beyond the cracking of thegarden wall at the bottom, they have suffered no inconvenience.

ã??ã??After my work in the City, I really love to be at home. What is the lovely of ahome, if you're never in it? "Home, Sweet Home," that is my motto. Iam always in of an evening. Our elderly mate Gowing may drop in withoutceremony; so may Cummings, who lives opposite. My dear wifeCaroline plus I are pleased to see them, in the event that they like to drop in on us. ButCarrie plus I can manage to pass our evenings together without friends.

ã??ã??There is always something to be done: a tin-tack here, a Venetian blindto put straight, a fan to nail up, or part of a carpet to nail down - all ofwhich I can do with my pipe in my mouth; while Carrie is not aboveputting a button on a shirt, mending a pillow-case, or practising the"Sylvia Gavotte" on our new cottage piano (on the three years' method),manufactured by W. Bilkson (in small letters), from Collard plus Collard(in massive letters). It is as well as a great comfort to us to know that ourboy Willie is getting on so well in the Bank at Oldham. They ought to liketo see more of him. Now for my diary:

ã??ã??April 3. -Tradesmen called for custom, plus I promised Farmerson,the ironmonger, to give him a turn if I wanted any nails or tools. By-the-by,that reminds me there is no key to our bedroom door, plus the bells must beseen to. The parlour bell is broken, plus the front door rings up in theservant's bedroom, which is ridiculous. Dear mate Gowing dropped in,but would not stay, saying there was an infernal smell of paint.

ã??ã??Ordered a shoulder of mutton for to-morrow, to give him a trial. Carriearranged with Borset, the butterman, plus ordered a pound of fresh butter,and a pound as well as a half of salt ditto for kitchen, as well as a shilling's worth ofeggs. In the evening, Cummings unexpectedly dropped in to show me ameerschaum pipe they had won in a raffle in the City, plus told me to handleit carefully, as it would spoil the colouring if the hand was damp. Hesaid they would not stay, as they didn't care much for the smell of the paint, andfell over the scraper as they went out. Must get the scraper removed, orelse I shall get into a SCRAPE. I don't often make jokes.

ã??ã??April 4. Tradesmen still calling; Carrie being out, I arranged to dealwith Horwin, who appeared a civil butcher with a pleasant neat shop.

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