time to change   by Katie B

in Self Help / Addictions    (submitted 2012-01-02)

my sister got me one of those saggitarius daily guide books for 2012.

todays little ditty says, what seemed puzzling over the past few months is now becoming crystal clear, and you have the confidence that 2012 is going to be a great year. your key word today is optimism.

about half an hour ago i started to think that i've had enough of this shit. when i was off the gear last year for those 7 or 8 months, the quality of my life drastically improved. which is what you would think would happen really. i had ideas, ambitions, would wake up early and spring out of bed. i exercised regularly and started to love how i looked and felt. i had money in my purse and could choose to buy something if i liked it. i had a totally positive aura about me and i could walk down the street and turn heads. nice people gravitated to me. it's not surprising that all of that has been sucked out of me since relapsing and more often than not, most days now are boring and i have no motivation for anything. is it just me ? or does gear do that to everyone ? so i'm getting to that stage again where i'm starting to think that there really is more to life than what i'm experiencing at the moment. i know there is, it's not like i can't do it cuz i did it last year. so how do i go about getting back on the right track ? last year i went on holiday for 2 weeks and that's when i found out that i can live on just methadone alone.

this is where i want to go for two weeks :-)
if i can get to that stage again, the next step is easy, you reduce in your own time when you are good and ready. i went from 60ml a day down to 2ml a day in the space of three months and felt no discomfort at all. but i don't have the money to go on holiday at the moment so that's out of the question. i know from previous attempts that it only takes three days to get you at the start of the right track. no matter what drug, after 3 days without it, the cells in your body stop craving it, the rest is all in the mind.
so i'm sitting here, with harry potter on the tv, vowing to myself that tomorrow is a new beginning. tomorrow i will stick to my methadone and not buy any shit. but tonight...well surely i can allow myself one more to say goodbye...

About the Author

I'm a 32 year old with a highly addictive nature. Whatever it may be, food, drugs, hobbies or interests, i'll do it to excess until I find something else that takes my fancy.
http://glamorousaddict.blogspot.com/